4 Times I Nearly Gave Up Writing
Writers have a tendency to run into an assortment of issues as they contemplate or practice their craft — for instance, imposter syndrome, burnout, writer’s block, impatience, perfectionism, a lack of motivation. The list goes longer. For some, these issues are the very things stopping them from continuing to write. And so the fire burns out.
I’ve had my share of ‘I’ve had it! I quit!’ moments as a writer. Stories are and have always been the essence of every waking moment in my life. I breathe stories in and exhale them out — I’m not even sure I’d know who I was if I gave up writing. But I have been at the edge of that very steep cliff.
Here are four times I almost gave up writing:
1. When I didn’t backup my manuscript
I was about 14 years old. My very old school laptop, which I used to use for writing in those days, had a sudden hard drive crash while I was in the final stages of a draft. The result was a loss of three months of work! I’d managed to use the time machine function to get back the first half of the manuscript, but the second half was lost to the void. I remember crying so hard my whole body hurt. The tears were like lemon juice on a wound. The anxiety was murderous.
But I survived. I rewrote the book — and this draft was an improvement, so the hard drive failure had its benefits. That book is sitting in a drawer somewhere now, and I’m not sure I ever want to look at it. But I didn’t give up.
Takeaway: back up your projects!
2. When I realised there was little income in writing as a career
So ensnared by the idea of taking my writing seriously, I pursued writing, editing, publishing and communications in university, giving myself enough time to mature and work in my craft before I entered the world of publishing for myself. It was here in academia I learned the truth about being a writer. The cold hard truth hurts.
Most writers in Australia — even full-time writers — won’t make enough money from their writing to survive, ever. Most authors won’t even make $3,000 a year from their books being in print. There aren’t NO writers doing better than this — quite the opposite, there are many successful authors in this country. But the publishing and book industries here are a morsel compared to the overseas giants, and many Australian authors struggle to reach international markets. Voices go unheard, or slip away into the cracks and are never picked up again by a publisher because of their sales records. There is no J K Rowling dream (not that anyone wants to be her!) and the reality is, as an author you will almost definitely need to work a day job. And not just for the temporary moment, but into the foreseeable future as well. With the rising cost of living, defunding of the humanities and arts, and monopolisation of the traditional publishing industry, it’s getting harder and harder to survive off an author’s book profits.
When I found all of this out, I thought, what’s the point? No one will appreciate me and I won’t be able to feed myself with it. So why go on? Why spend hours a day writing, dreaming, getting my hopes up?
But … we don’t do it for the money, do we? We write because we like it. No, we write because we feel we have to write, or else we will combust, or go mad, or elope and live in denial in some faux-bohemian fantasy. So it’s not about the money, money, money. And yes pursuing writing seriously means having to stick by a rigid writing routine in the free time around commitments, which is a huge drainer, but if you stick with it long enough and publish enough books, it could work out for you in the end. You might even get to finally quit the day job one day, in the far, far, far future. It doesn’t hurt to dream, does it?
Takeaway: it’s not about the money.
3. When I worried too much about disappointing people
One of my biggest flaws is always worrying that my parents will be disappointed in me. For some reason it has always mattered to me that I make them proud in anything I do. I was a high academic achiever. I did my best to stay out of trouble (we all have slip-ups, let’s be real).
When I eventually realised I wanted to be a writer, it dawned on me that this is perhaps not the life they pictured for me. After all, they are first-and-second generation migrants who had to work hard to provide for the household. I went to public schools with poor reputations, surrounded by students who didn’t want to learn. And yet I showed promise. All that academic success seemed to mean I was going to become something of real use in the world. A doctor? I sucked at science. An accountant? I sucked at numbers. A teacher? Maybe, and yet maybe not. A builder? Practical, but there’d be no love in it.
And yet I almost became a builder to make my parents happy. It was Year 10. My mum and I were sitting down with my careers advisor at school, talking about my academic choices going forward with my last years of secondary education. What pathway? What industry? What university? I said I wanted to go into a trade, an apprenticeship, do something with my hands. My mum looked at me like I was deranged. So did my careers advisor, who also happened to be my Business Management teacher. My teacher looked at me and said, ‘But isn’t writing your passion? Maybe there’s not much money in it, but you could go into publishing … editing … media.’ He knew I didn’t want to be a builder. Mum asked me why I said I wanted to go into a trade, and I told her, ‘because Dad’s a plasterer, and his job ends when he goes home.’
I was too afraid they would think that I was a ‘layabout’ who expects the world to give me everything. But in any case, I persisted in my craft, and I’m still a hard worker.
Maybe I should’ve gotten a trade. Worked a normal full-time job, saved enough money to travel the world, buy some land, build a house. But would I be the Jaidyn I became, or would I be someone else? Would I ever put a word to the page again?
Today I work in a bookstore. I studied publishing and writing for four-and-a-half years, was published in several student magazines and anthologies, and I am still a writer. Writing doesn’t make me my money, but my day job does, and it so happens to be connected to the thing I want to do most. So it works out in the end, right?
Takeaway: listen to your heart.
4. When my priorities were out of whack
There was a time where I wasn’t putting enough effort or commitment into my craft. What was once a daily practice had become a weekly one at best, a monthly one at worst.
It was the turn of the decade. COVID was yet to happen. I was still at university, trying to find my people, trying to discover my writing voice in the studios of writers and lecturers teaching me the rules I planned to break. But eventually all of the theory and assignments took up too much of my time, and I would choose to spend my spare moments outside of commitments with my friend group at the time, getting wasted and having laughs. This wasn’t a bad thing — since we all need to live a little before our stories can really shine true. But I was ready to give up on writing altogether and just live free to consume without the pressure of creating, like most of the people around me. I had no energy to work on my projects, and whenever I dedicated any amount of time to write I would feel guilty that I wasn’t instead spending my time with people.
But eventually I learned a valuable lesson about friendship. One friendship with another artist led to dozens of friendships, and with their artistic influence beaming on me, my priorities — and my life, even — changed. This part required some big sacrifices in my life, but these sacrifices allowed me to realign my priorities and commit to writing. The result was the publication of my first book, co-written with R C Waldun and Jay the Author.
Takeaway: make writing a priority!
Through all of these trials I was tempted to give up my dream of being an artist, being a writer, living by the creativity of my mind over the functionality of my body for a job. I still have to work a day job, but I didn’t give up, and I am so grateful.
By pursuing my dreams, I am happier, in touch with my own desires, and surrounded by other artists who inspire me.
Don’t give up your creative dreams. Pursue them until you burn and then pursue them some more.
There is no silver platter. Your success will come on a plastic plate from the nearest dollar store. But the feeling you get when you finish a project and get it out into the world is irreplaceable.
